I think the worse thing in the world and one of the leading impediments for lawyers actively engaging in referral based practice is the image of the networking jerk. On the one hand, do you not just roll your eyes when you run into one of these people in your trade group or in your social networking. On the other hand, the image of these people is inhibiting because lawyers get the impression that this is how they need to behave in order to succeed at this practice. Certainly, we need to avoid the former and, actually, the successful referral practice does not require the latter.
You know the networking jerk, do you not? Aggressively making the rounds of a get together, martini in hand, the free hor'douve in mouth, blaring the none to subtle elevator speech, and being a bit too gaudy in the self-promotion. Flamboyant might be the word, but it is almost too kind. Really, it is the act of being garish, rude, crass, coarse, and verging on bad-manners.
It does not have to be this way, and it should not be this way. If you believe you cannot do what is necessary because you cannot be so impolite, uncultured, audacious or immodest, then you are right for this role.
It does not do anybody good to act like the proverbial used car salesman. Watch daytime TV. Watch the TV spots. Do you feel compelled to act like this in public? Do you not recognize that you act like this? If you fall into this category, get some therapy. Leave us all to our own misery.
I understand how this happens, and how you get to this obtuse characterization. You feel desperate to find leads, to earn money, or to close on a client relationship. Combine it with a little too much enthusiasm, and before long you start to sound and act like Johnny Carson's toupee wearing, loud jacket, pencil mustache, smarmy drone Art Fern character. (Above).
I think the thing to keep in mind is that socializing is not a game and it is not a competition. It is not a win or lose proposition. You need to be doing it because you like the industry or group or profession which you solicit and you want to be around people who you generally like, who think like you, who are doing what you appreciate, and who, of course, can send you referrals.
Beyond this, it is my sincere opinion that the people actually best suited for referral or network marketing are those who are more reticent, a little more tight-lipped, demurred and humble. I think the people who do best at this task are those that want to pitch in, find friendship and fellowship, and help regardless of the profitability of the work, and who are good listeners more than great talkers.
When you go to a social event, or participate in social media, I do not think you need to tout who you are and what you can do. Mingle yes, but in conversations you are probably more comfortable and better off just asking general questions. First, you learn a lot of not only information but you get a good impression of people and problems they face this way. Second, people are naturally curious and during the conversation they will ask what you do. You do not have to force it. When asked is the time for the natural, simple, content rich but courteous elevator speech. If they have questions, they will ask you. If they have a problem in which you might need help, they will raise it. You can be unobtrusive, and they will think better of you in the process. It is fine to say briefly that if they need your help or know of someone that does, to give you a call. And, it is alright then to give them a business card and ask for their information because they, in reality, solicited it from you. It is not the one visit or the meeting, it is constantly being there and being visible that matters. How you follow up is what matters. This is just introductions and you do not want to scare your referral sources off. You do not want them to feel standoffish when you walk into a room.
Too often the problem is you feel compelled to be assertive and pretentious because you want to make it count. You need work and you want to covert everyone into a client as quickly as possible. It does not work that way. Not every contact is a potential client, or every contact does not need your services at that time. The better course of action is to stay involved, stay visible and stay on top of the mind in a devout but bashful way. Do this and the work and referrals will come. Ignore it and no amount of immediacy, no matter how dogmatic you appear, no matter how pushy you might be is going to correct the prior lack of attention.
Put yourself in position, make yourself extremely available, pursue your passion, but let them come to you. You do not need to be a barracuda or a hustler. You do not need to come accross as a grifter. Learn names, be quick with a polite howdy, and leave it at that until you are invited to do more, give advise or give more information. It works wonders. And remember, referral based or network marketing is not about you. It is about the referral source. Always keep that in mind.
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